Have you ever wondered if you have been or are a bully? If so, it may be hard to admit to yourself, but questioning if you are and wanting to change your behaviors if you think you are is a huge step in the right direction.
“It’s not always easy to know if you’re a bully. You might think that the things you say are just ‘banter’, or that you’re only joking around and don’t mean any harm. Try to think how you’d feel if you were in the other person’s shoes. Be honest.”
According to Linsey Lunny, CEO and Founder of Hidden Strength, you should be asking yourself a few questions if you think you may be bullying another person.
“It’s not nice to think of ourselves in a negative light. We try to avoid admitting our faults and even make excuses for our negative behaviour, even when we know deep down that we’re in the wrong.”
According to a blog from Hidden Strength, there are a few key questions you should ask yourself.
- Repeatedly upset someone, perhaps a classmate, sibling or friend?
- Find it difficult to empathise with others? This can be difficult to see in yourself so you can ask friends or family for their thoughts.
- Feel like you’re at your strongest when you’re around insecure people?
- Deliberately pick on someone to make yourself feel better?
- Make passive aggressive comments?
- Get aggressive with others?
- Spread rumours or spill secrets?
- Deliberately isolate people?
- Send unpleasant messages or make mean comments on social media?
It is one thing to recognize that you have been a bully, but what can you do to get to the root cause of these behaviors? How can you take steps to prevent these actions in the future?
“There are lots of reasons why a person might bully. It’s often complex but, more often than not, a bully has some trauma or pain going on in their own life. It can help to understand why you are bullying.”
According to Linsey Lunny, there are a few reasons why a person might bully others
- Family issues such as a divorce or arguments in the home.
- Alcohol or drug abuse issues.
- The death of a relative.
- Issues with siblings.
- Being bullied yourself. People who are bullied can sometimes become a bully themselves.
- Low self-esteem.
- Insecure relationships with family, friends, or both.
- Pressure from peers – feeling as if you must behave in a certain way to keep your friends.
“Once you identify your triggers, you can look for healthier ways to deal with your feelings and emotions. Changing behaviour patterns often takes time and practice, so don’t beat yourself up if you slip-up occasionally.”
People who bully often are asking for help in their own way, even if it’s not immediately obvious. Bullying behavior can sometimes stem from unresolved personal struggles, feelings of inadequacy, or a lack of healthy coping mechanisms. If you feel like you are bullying others and recognize the need for help, it’s a powerful first step to acknowledge this. There are many resources and tools available to help you understand your behavior and develop more constructive ways to handle emotions and challenges.
“There’s no shame in reaching out for support. You have identified areas where you need help with your behaviour and that’s something to be applauded. You’re taking ownership and taking steps to make yourself a better person.”
Remember, personal growth isn’t linear, and asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. There are professionals, support groups, and educational programs designed to guide you through this journey of self-improvement. Taking action now not only benefits you but also helps create a more positive and respectful environment for those around you.
Hidden Strength is a unique mental health platform for young people ages 13 to 24. They offer meaningful support, advice and guidance in a safe, anonymous environment. Support is both peer to peer, and in the form of fully qualified therapists available on demand using secure virtual environments.