For many parents August means the ushering in of a new school year; for some that new school year might mean a child is leaving the nest and heading off to college.

While the empty nest is a milestone for parents, it can also be a difficult time, especially for the main caregiver. Feelings may range from feeling useless and left behind to fearing for the welfare of your child. You may wonder how to fill the extra time in your day, or you may worry about settling back into the couple relationship with your spouse as the child and family-centered home becomes couple-centered again.

            Give yourself time to mourn. It’s very healthy to cry and grieve and let your feelings out before you shift the gears to a new life. At the same time, this is also a good time to rejoice that you’ve raised healthy and functioning adults.

            Fill your new life with things to take the place of car pools, sleepovers, dance recitals, ball games, etc. Try an activity that you’ve not had time to do before – a class, learn a new language, travel, join or start a book club. If you are married, rediscover your spouse and the reasons you married in the first place. Start dating again, whether that means something as simple as sharing a glass of wine in the evening, going out to dinner once a week to reconnect, or even start a dinner club with other couples. The empty nest can open the door to many fun possibilities and quality time with your spouse and friends.

Meanwhile, stay in touch with your children. Reassure them that they are doing what they are supposed to be doing by leaving home and that you are okay too. Let them know that while you’ll miss them you are also so excited about their future. Be open to the new relationship that you and your child will also have; be ready to support and give guidance but also remember that this is a time to let them test the water and make mistakes so they can learn. Always be available, but don’t hover.

            Adjustment to leaving home is hard too and your child may need some extra encouragement and support. Try to visit them for parents’ weekend if they’ve gone to college. Don’t immediately change their room because coming home to the comfort of their own room is very important. If necessity requires you to change their room, make sure you warn them beforehand.